Annoyance ...

Well here I am, after all this months of hibernation. Hibernation not from life but from blogging. From writing on my own space. Not that I have stopped thinking for that matter even writing, but sometimes there was a strong incongruence between my thoughts and words. I would start something, stop in between and realise that what I had started was not what I intended. I don't know what is this called but certainly is very annoying. Its like trying to raise your hand to the left and it going to the right.

Many ideas, many events which requires mention but again it would lead this post to places where I have not thought of. There is a new thing which I am suffering from lately. "THOUGHTLESSNESS". There are times where in you do know that in order to perform and excel you need to have thoughts, you need to work positively towards that thoughts. And not negative thoughts mind you but positive thoughts. You lose track of time. Your mind wandering from one place to another without any connection or reason. The process is interesting if you think about it. The places mind take you, giving you an example ...

I go to a place and see a plastic chair

I sit on that plastic chair

I last sat on a similar plastic chair when i was in diploma

I sat alongwith my friends at the Jhunka Bhakar Stall outside the college

I had Arvind, Jai, Rushi, around for company when we ate vada pav and drank pepsi,

Arvind, Jai were my colleagues in our factory while training

Rushi was my another trainee friend when we were in CG

Bapu Narvekar was the sir in CG who gave me a lot of respect

And what you know next, sitting on the plastic chair, I give a call to Bapu Narvekar, asking him about his family and health, etc etc.

I know its not exactly what you call running out of thoughts. But then sometimes this eludes me. I just stare at a space like it never existed. I do remember, even in college or school when i used to study in the bedroom all alone, sometimes memorising in front of the mirror, i would stop sometime and incessantly stare at my image for about 15-20 minutes in absolute silence. Its a very weird feeling. After sometime you start thinking, is this really life you living in? Is this body really yours? What is that you are looking at anyway? What is inside me which is controlling my outside? What is going to go out when this body withers in pain or anxiety ? What is that you trying to achieve anyway ? And then there is whole loss of purpose. Cause what you have achieved so far is insignificant and what lies ahead of you is uncertain.

There are many self asked questions and trying to answer myself. Not been successful in many respects, but certainly a sense of fulfillment when you do realise the truth. There is one thing which I read recently which is remarkable. Its written by Kahlil Gibran, on children

"

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

"

I can't take this out of my mind, ever since I have read this especially the sentence ... They come through you, but not from you !!

Simply amazing. Till then, hoping not for a long break the next time around.