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Let me be ...

I kept looking my whole life for thee,
When somewhere somehow it was within me.
O glories of peace and silence,
Why have you left in this shed of violence ?

My heart cries and lives in longing,
No sense of self, no kind of belonging.
Let me come to you where you ask for,
Just let me be as i was before !

Time Again - Part I

It was a different time. A time when he could be more careless. A time where smile frequented his small face. He lived his life not exactly on his terms. But he was happy nevertheless. Maybe because he didn't think of it much. There were problems, which was bound to be there in any life. And he was glad that he lived life to the hilt whenever it required.

But he had changed now. Times were different. Responsibilities had come knocking. He was not one of the kind who would buckle down or who would run away. He was the one who faced it head on. Circumstances were not always conducive but he remained undeterred. He knew fate had it written for him. He was bound to come out victorious. Or so he wished. He was Raman Ramesh.

Looking towards the thick rooted tree outside his window, he could see the sparrows chirping. Been quite a while since he had seen the sparrows. It was as if they had disappeared. He tried counting them and it occurred to him that indeed there were not much of them anyway. He remembered a article he read sometime back mentioning the phenomenon of disappearing sparrows. He didn't think much of it that time. But now when he did see the delight it was bringing to his otherwise mundane life, he was feeling sad. A sense of loss, as if some near one had gone away.

A voice called for him. He turned around back to the world he was looking away from. The home had become a house, a dwelling where he returned every night to sleep. Crumbling peels of paints to the black spots of water coming from the roof, the walls were a sad story. Discolored floors were disinterested as well. The furnishings were unwashed, untidy and ugly. Life had left the place long ago and it seemed to take something out of him every moment.

He called her his wife when they went to social gatherings. At home, he hardly talked. There was nothing to talk. It had become a life where on every 10th he put the money on her table. She kept on rambling about his mother, his children, his indifference and his silence. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered now. All he remembered was his face. It was etched in his memory. And he would never forget for what had happened. Never again ...

Annoyance ...

Well here I am, after all this months of hibernation. Hibernation not from life but from blogging. From writing on my own space. Not that I have stopped thinking for that matter even writing, but sometimes there was a strong incongruence between my thoughts and words. I would start something, stop in between and realise that what I had started was not what I intended. I don't know what is this called but certainly is very annoying. Its like trying to raise your hand to the left and it going to the right.

Many ideas, many events which requires mention but again it would lead this post to places where I have not thought of. There is a new thing which I am suffering from lately. "THOUGHTLESSNESS". There are times where in you do know that in order to perform and excel you need to have thoughts, you need to work positively towards that thoughts. And not negative thoughts mind you but positive thoughts. You lose track of time. Your mind wandering from one place to another without any connection or reason. The process is interesting if you think about it. The places mind take you, giving you an example ...

I go to a place and see a plastic chair

I sit on that plastic chair

I last sat on a similar plastic chair when i was in diploma

I sat alongwith my friends at the Jhunka Bhakar Stall outside the college

I had Arvind, Jai, Rushi, around for company when we ate vada pav and drank pepsi,

Arvind, Jai were my colleagues in our factory while training

Rushi was my another trainee friend when we were in CG

Bapu Narvekar was the sir in CG who gave me a lot of respect

And what you know next, sitting on the plastic chair, I give a call to Bapu Narvekar, asking him about his family and health, etc etc.

I know its not exactly what you call running out of thoughts. But then sometimes this eludes me. I just stare at a space like it never existed. I do remember, even in college or school when i used to study in the bedroom all alone, sometimes memorising in front of the mirror, i would stop sometime and incessantly stare at my image for about 15-20 minutes in absolute silence. Its a very weird feeling. After sometime you start thinking, is this really life you living in? Is this body really yours? What is that you are looking at anyway? What is inside me which is controlling my outside? What is going to go out when this body withers in pain or anxiety ? What is that you trying to achieve anyway ? And then there is whole loss of purpose. Cause what you have achieved so far is insignificant and what lies ahead of you is uncertain.

There are many self asked questions and trying to answer myself. Not been successful in many respects, but certainly a sense of fulfillment when you do realise the truth. There is one thing which I read recently which is remarkable. Its written by Kahlil Gibran, on children

"

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

"

I can't take this out of my mind, ever since I have read this especially the sentence ... They come through you, but not from you !!

Simply amazing. Till then, hoping not for a long break the next time around.

Remember (not to watch) Ghajini ...

First questions first ...

What was Aamir thinking while doing Ghajini?

Or did he got too much into the character to forget what exactly he was supposed to do?

The body was there, the hype was there, everything was apparently in the right place for Ghajini to be that extraordinary action movie we all have been waiting for ages. Aamir Khan in a never seen before action role of a lifetime. I mean, who would want to miss that on a big screen ? Actually after seeing it, I gladly would have :(

To make a long (n boring) story short, Aamir was a Top Exec. of a mobile company at one point of time (he actually is throughout the movie, but doesn't act later on), falls in love with a seemingly simple hearted Asin (a aspiring, Hamam to Khaaj Khujli wali Model). But as fate would have it, the simple helping nature of Asin lands her into trouble with the man himself GHAJINI !! Apna Ghajini is nothing short of a MD of a big pharma company himself. And he is such a hands on boss, that he ensures that every murder is done by his "shubh haathon". As luck would have it, the girl has known too much about Ghajini uncle (just imagine the scores of people who must have already seen him execute so many others) and she has to die. In trying to save his beloved, Aamir also gets slammed by a Iron something (looked like a iron bat) but manages to save his skull (& his life), gets a discount and scrapes with two scratches on his head, no hair growth for 6 months and a new phenomena .... SHORT TERM MEMORY LOSS.  Ok, so finally by hook or crook finally he is able to replicate the same golfing action shot of hitting the skull of Mr. Ghajini and take his revenge. His hair grows again, he sees his love of life again and somehow his memory is beginning to come back. 

Well, one could have guessed how Ghajini would have been seeing the posters of the movie. Aamir Khan, all muscled up, staring in one picture and putting his hands on his head in another. An indication by the great Khan, that it could not have messed any further than this (not even Mela would come close).  Lets see what did not work for me in this movie ...

1. Was Aamir a patient of memory loss or had he lost it completely? I mean why was he shouting so violently when he wanted revenge? 

2. Does getting hit on head means extra bout of energy and loads of muscles ?  OK, I get the part wherein he develops the muscles, but that high amount of energy to hit ones face and find it turned around 360 degrees, too hilarious !!

3. MD of a big mobile company, MD who is hip hopping the globe, giving interview to CNN in his lavish corporate setting writes a daily dairy in hindi, manages to find time to take around apni Asin, have pani puri & pay with a credit card, "chitter - chatter" about ads of "chaddis & khaaj khujli creams" & smile around quite stupidly.

4.  GHAJINI (the man himself) goes around in every frame with loads of goons & guns. And finally when in the climax, when our Aamir goes to kill him, he manages to run out of every single gun in his area. Also, where in case of others all it took Aamir to settle score was a punch or a kick, in case of Ghajini, lot of hitting ensured he did not get killed. The climax was a RAJNI hitting GHAJINI.

5. Finally, I really cannot make out in which genre the film should fall under. It tried to be a horrorific, gruesome, action, drama, comedy movie of our time (in short a complete mess !). 

The overenthusiatic camera work, the loud background score, the long stretch .... phew.

The only thing I would like to take home would the wardrobe (& the abs if possible) of Aamir Khan. All other things sucked !!

Watch it, at your headache. 

Yeh uski hai kahani ...

Ek rani ki yeh kahani hai, 

Bahut se yeh anjaani hai. 

Chupke se wo roti thi, 

Shayad kuch gum wo seti thi.

Koi na jaane kya dard tha, 

Lekin ek ajab sa assar tha. 

Uski muskurahat par jee lete log, 

Wo agar kehti kadva zeher bhi pee lete log.

Par usne na kabhi kaha kisse, 

Sab dard liye bas apne hisse. 

Aaj agar wo kisi baat par heraan hai, 

Toh sab usse chahne wale pareshaan hai.

Kaun pooche usse aakhir baat kya hai? 

Aankhon main nami ka raaz kya hai? 

Gumsum hoke bhi koi afsana bayaan kiya, 

Na kehte wo bhi bahut kuch keh diya.

Tonight ...

I can live tonight,

I can pray tonight.

I can cry tonight,

Live in your arms tonight.

I be what you want tonight,

I be what you crave tonight.

I be what you asked tonight,

Live another day tonight.

I want to be your love tonight,

I want to be your hope tonight.

I want to be your feeling tonight,

Give it all out tonight.

Lived all my life for tonight,

Thought of it all along for tonight.

Don't want to miss a chance tonight,

Just want to live another day tonight.

Believe ...

I believe that the sun shines after the rain

I believe if you don't get hurt you'll never gain
I believe in not doing things the easy way
I believe that being selfish doesn’t pay

I believe in a second chance
I believe in a life long romance
I believe there is life after death
And standing up to a life of mess

I believe in love at first sight
I believe that revenge isn’t right
I believe that first impressions last
And there is nothing better then a good laugh

I believe that dreams do come true
I believe there's destiny for me and you
I believe that good things come to those who wait
I believe love never arrives too late

I believe something good comes from something bad
I believe that for tears of happiness there are tears of sad
I believe everyone has a guardian angel
And the good you do will be rewarded well

I believe sometimes there is no explanation
I believe money can't buy people's affection
I believe you don't know what you've got until it's gone
I believe a new day arrives with every dawn

I believe a smile can be contagious
I believe in being very outrageous
I believe in living with no regrets
I believe that life is as good as it gets

I believe that God watches over us
I believe the little things are worth the fuss
I believe you have each friend for a reason
I believe you will get punished for treason

I believe in making the most of a beautiful day
And it's not the end until everything's okay

I believe absence makes the heart grow fonder
I believe you will lose if you sit and wonder
I believe every experience teaches you a lesson

I believe everyone has one true love
I believe sometimes we need a little shove
I believe the whole world is a stage
I believe we only get better with age

I believe that to learn you have to live
I believe that to love someone you have to give
I believe one moment can change your life
And there's still help when you’re in strife

I believe everyone has one true friend
I believe love helps a broken heart mend
I believe in the power of a song
And things will change before too long

PS: Not a original composition, I saw it on a friend's orkut about me section and felt it was too good ... I had to have it.

No Plagarism charges please !!!

Sometimes ...

A poetic verse,
A silent curse,
A little worse ...

A tempered bore,
A hallowed core,
A bellowed tore...

Sometimes i can irritate you with my voice,
Sometimes i can irritate you with my noise.

Sometimes i can irritate you with my songs,
Sometimes i can irritate you with my wrongs.

Sometimes i can irritate you with my presence,
Sometimes i can irritate you with my absence.

Sometimes i can irritate you with my silence,
Sometimes i can irritate you with my patience.

Spare me...

Spare me from your gratitude,

Spare me from your attitude.

For things I do not care to hear,

Spare me from your vicissitude.


Anger, temper, irritation within me,

Shallow, unworthiness, suffocation within me.

Wonders of the world brought together,

But cannot remove the ugliness within me.


Full of passion.

Full of desire.

Full of lust.

Full of wants.


Higher & Higher as I seek myself.

Lower & Lower I find myself to be.

Deeper & Deeper I think of this.

Hollower & Hollower I find myself to be.


Looking for a image of love,

Thinking all is going to end well.

But the world would rather see it shove,

And would care a damn if I was in hell.


Deepening, reckless, pointless living of life.

Wrecking, Sickening, relentless living of life.

Antagonizing, searching for truth.

Wreathing, looking for ruth.